


Blue Eyes & Paper Doves

by zinther



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Harry Potter Setting, Angst, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Harry Potter AU, M/M, Slow Burn, Strangers to Friends to Lovers, Trust Issues, fun fun fun, strap yourselves in kids you're in for a bumpy ride
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-23
Updated: 2018-01-28
Packaged: 2019-03-08 17:21:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13462923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zinther/pseuds/zinther
Summary: Dan Howell doesn't have a lot of friends. None, to be precise. This doesn't bother him, but it does seem to bother a certain blue eyed Hufflepuff who's made it his life's mission to get to know him.





	1. The Serpent

**Author's Note:**

> oh look. a hp au. how original. 
> 
> this is set in ´89/´90, so the school year before harry and co. started hogwarts. dan's views on hufflepuff do not reflect my own. as for gryffindor i have decided not to comment.
> 
> enjoy!

Contrary to popular belief, Slytherins aren’t all assholes. Sure, the majority of wizards turning to the dark side may have been from the house of Salazar, but that does not mean there aren’t also plenty of perfectly lovely people who just happen to be from Slytherin. Merlin, a few hundred years of discrimination based on blood purity and suddenly you’re “evil”? Besides, that sort of thinking is severely out of date and you’re highly unlikely to find any witch or wizard alive today who isn’t half-blood or less, no matter what they say.

Okay, so perhaps this is sort of a sore spot for Dan, and perhaps he also may have too much time on his hands to ponder it.

Daniel Howell likes to think he’s a pretty typical Slytherin. He’s clever and he’s determined; he knows what he wants and he will stop at nothing to achieve it. The only thing that doesn’t really resonate with him is the ‘fraternity’ aspect; the solidarity Slytherins are supposed to feel for, if not all their housemates, at least their own group of friends.

Dan doesn’t really have any friends. He has people he likes and dislikes; people he’ll talk to if he must and people he’ll ignore. But friends? Not so much.

Most people might find such an existence lonely, and probably a bit sad, but in all honesty Dan prefers it. It’s not that he _hates_ people - well, not all people anyway. A case could be made for some of the obnoxious Gryffindors he sees walking about, always loud as a howler and with their ego on their sleeve. Still, whilst being around people isn’t Dan’s favourite pastime that’s also not what keeps him from forming friendships with anyone. Being close to someone means making an effort. It means sacrificing precious time to do what the other person wants and taking an interest in their life; asking them about their day even though no part of you actually cares. And if ever you do find a person you actually give a shit about there is no way the feeling is mutual and then it means disappointment and heartbreak and Dan doesn’t want any part in it thank you very much.

 

It’s the first week of his seventh year at Hogwarts and Dan has yet to decide whether or not he’s happy to be back. He’s always loved the school, even the classes and teachers, but something about this year just feels _off_ , and he’s pretty sure it’s that damn cheerful mess of a Hufflepuff’s fault.

He first saw the boy on the train when he’d stumbled into Dan’s compartment no earlier than a second before the train started moving. Because of course Dan was sitting alone, and of course these were the only available seats on the train. He’d only shrugged when the kid asked if he could sit there, and all attempts at conversation had met deaf ears. Still, for some reason the boy - whose name he’d forgotten the second he’d introduced himself - keeps showing up wherever Dan goes, seemingly determined to get to know him.

On their first day back he catches the boy staring at him during Herbology, because naturally fate wants him dead and has decided Slytherin and Hufflepuff share that class this year. His bad luck follows him into the next day when he learns both he and Hufflepuff boy have chosen Care of Magical Creatures as an elective and thus he is stuck with him once again. Dan has no idea why on earth this boy thought magical creatures was a good idea for him in the first place, as he almost stepped on the Murtlaps they were supposed to be looking after not once, but _twice_ , and Professor Kettleburn had a rather stressful time pushing him out of the way. Turns out these rat-like creatures have a habit of eating the feet of anyone who steps on them, which to be fair you can’t really blame them for.

Sometimes Dan wonders if other wizarding schools risk the lives of their students this often or if Hogwarts is just special.

***

On this particular day Dan is positive he doesn’t have any shared classes with the boy, and is looking forward to finally being able to work in peace. All his hopes and dreams are therefore shattered when he all but crashes into a familiar boy on his way to charms class. He swears that fucker came out of nowhere.

“Oh, I’m so-” the boy begins, even though Dan very clearly walked into _him_. Damn Hufflepuffs. “Hey, it’s you!”

How observant.

Dan doesn’t reply and instead keeps walking towards the classroom. He really can’t be bothered with this, and the sooner this boy realises Dan isn’t worth his time the better. He ignores the calls for him to stop and disappears around the corner. Why won’t this boy just leave him alone? There are plenty other people at this school, most of whom would probably delight in having such a seemingly constantly happy friend. So why him?

***

Charms is his last lesson of the day, and as much as he likes both the class and Professor Flitwick Dan can’t help but be relieved when it’s over, eager to get out to the courtyard by the viaduct to relax before dinner. He likes being out here, it’s fresh air but without actually having to step out into nature. Usually he just sits and observes people going about their day, making up stories about their life. He may not have an interest in actually getting to know people, but the versions of them he creates in his head intrigue him. Sometimes he gets too carried away and almost walks up to someone he’s been observing, but… no, it’s not worth it. People are never who you expect them to be, and they will always disappoint you.

The courtyard is lively as always; the sun is shining which is rare for Britain and thus means most of the school is taking advantage of it. As he walks towards his usual bench he looks around, smiling at everything happening around him. He must admit he’s missed this during the summer. There is nothing quite like Hogwarts, and if he’s being honest he’s kind of sad it’s his last year here.

He watches a group of 4th years play gobstones, and is too into the game to notice the person sitting down next to him.

“Hi.” Dan all but jumps at the voice, turning around quicker than he’s ever moved in his life. It’s him. Of fucking course it is.

“Are you still not gonna talk to me?” The boy continues, grinning at him. Why is he always so _happy_?

“Nope.” Dan answers simply, turning back away from him.

“I knew you’d crack eventually.”

“What? I said no.” Dan is still determinedly looking in the opposite direction of the person trying so desperately to get his attention.

“I don’t care what you said, all that matters is that you did. This is the first time you’ve spoken to me.”

Dan silently curses himself. Now he’s never getting rid of the guy. He eventually gives in and turns around to face him again, putting on his most annoyed expression which he hopes silently signals ‘sod off’. He is met with the boy’s impossibly blue eyes staring directly into his own. For a second they just sit there, eyes locked and completely quiet. He refuses to speak again, and it seems as if the boy is content with the silence as long as Dan stays. He knows he should look away, but something in him is begging him not to. It’s starting to get weird now. Before things can get too awkward - _thank fuck_ , Dan thinks - they notice people leaving the courtyard.

“Tea time,” the boy says, still looking at Dan with what seemed to be amusement.  
Without saying a word, Dan gets up and begins walking towards the great hall. He can hear the footsteps of the boy behind him, but if a voice inside his head is telling him to turn around he elects to ignore it.

  
Dinner as usual is a rather uneventful affair. Dan eats mostly in silence, though he’ll occasionally make polite conversation with fellow Slytherins if they engage him. He may not have any notable friends to speak of, but he does have acquaintances in his own house. The other Slytherins, at least the ones in his year, find him odd but he’s pretty sure no one really dislikes him. Not that he cares either way.

As he finishes his food his eyes start to wander around the room as they usually do, watching people have conversations and guessing what they’re talking about. However, today his glance - without his permission, might he add - travels all the way across the hall, searching through smiling faces and yellow ties to find- there. Jet black hair and piercing blue eyes that, even though he knows it’s not possible, Dan swears on his life he can see from the other side of the room.

Without really thinking about it his mind starts coming up with stories about the boy. He’s from a big, happy family; a mum, a dad, 4 siblings and a dog. They live somewhere in the countryside, though it’s not too far to the nearest town. Every summer the dad organises a quidditch tournament, and he’s so excited about it neither of the kids has the heart to tell him that they’re not really that into quidditch. Winston, the family dog, eagerly runs around beneath them as they play, afraid they’ll fall off and ready to catch them if they do. It’s a good life. A perfectly safe, happy-go-lucky, sickeningly sweet, classic Hufflepuff existence.

When the daydream fades, Dan realises he’s smiling. He also realises the boy is looking at him.

_Fuck._

***

“Dan!”

He’s halfway back to the Slytherin common room when the boy catches up to him, having left the great hall as quickly as he possibly could without looking suspicious. He knows that if he starts running now he’ll make it back before the boy can reach him, but his damn curiosity gets the better of him. He stops.

“How do you know my name?”

 _God, this is cliché_ he thinks. He doesn’t turn around and look at the boy, finding it much more preferable to stare off in the opposite direction.

“I asked around.”

“So, what, now you’re not only stalking me, you’re also bothering my friends?” The word feels weird on his tongue; foreign.

“According to your housemates you don’t have any.” The boy’s usually cheerful voice has changed, now sounding almost sad. Dan feels anger building in his chest; he doesn’t need pity from a stranger! Who does this boy think he is, following Dan around like a lost puppy and then have the audacity to feel sorry for him?

He spins around, ready to give the boy a piece of his mind, but the corridor is empty. He stands there for bit, eyes fixed on the corner the boy must have disappeared around and listening intently for the sound of footsteps, but everything is quiet. For some reason he would have thought Hufflepuff to be the least dramatic house, but it would seem his assumptions were wrong.

“The theatre club meets on Thursdays, you’re a day early!” he yells after him.

Dan is about to retreat when he sees something flying towards him. At first he can’t make it out in the dim dungeon lighting, but as it comes closer it takes the form of a bird. Made out of paper, it would seem. More creative students than him are known to use paper doves to pass notes in class - unless you’re in potions or transfiguration in which case the risk is just not worth it.

Despite everything in him telling him to ignore it, to go back to the common room and never think about the boy again, he holds out a hand and lets the bird land. At first it just sits there, looking up at him with a critical expression because of course even a piece of fucking paper is gonna judge him. Then, the dove goes still before unfolding, revealing a message hastily scribbled in barely dried ink.

 

_Friends? - Phil_


	2. Trial and Error

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan decides to humour Phil and agrees to hang out with him. As long as it doesn't go too far it's all good, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in which dan is a pain and there's a ferret with gaydar. also known as 'dialogue: the chapter'

_Friends?_

Dan lies awake all night thinking about the note. Because of the placement of his dormitory there is no wind to be heard outside, a fact that never used to bother him but now seems like a curse. The only noise to be heard comes from his sleeping roommates, and even that is barely anything. Merlin, he’d give his left arm for literally anything other than his thoughts to focus on. Dan has always had a problem with overthinking things, and this is a prime example of it.

On one hand he’s content with the life he’s currently living. He doesn’t need a friend, nor does he want one. It’s not that he doesn’t recognise the positives of having a like minded companion by his side; it’s just that, at least to him, the risks of it greatly outweigh any possible good aspects. Call him a cynic, but he’d rather be on the safe side.

Still, he also very well can’t just keep ignoring this boy. _Phil_ , he reminds himself. His name is Phil. Dan is no monster, his lack of friends doesn’t mean he doesn’t understand and value other people’s feelings. At first he’d thought maybe the Hufflepuff simply found him amusing in some way, but he’s beginning to think he genuinely wants to befriend him. And, because it’s clear he won’t take no for an answer, Dan supposes he can humour him.

They won’t be friends, but perhaps they can… talk. He enjoys other people’s company as long as they don’t expect anything from him, and he’s willing to be Phil’s acquaintance. Acquaintances are not friends, he thinks. They don’t count.

 

The next day Dan opts to skip breakfast in favour of doing literally anything that doesn’t involve risking to see Phil. He will talk to him and he will get to know him - to a certain extent, anyway - but he figures there’s no need to rush it. After all, he’s only doing this to give Phil some sense of accomplishment so he will stop following him around. Dan figures this should be easy enough; he will probably only have to speak to Phil a couple of more times before he realises Dan isn’t worth his time and fucks off. It’s a foolproof plan.

The lessons go by in a blurr, mostly because his lack of sleep the previous night causes him to doze off a record breaking amount of times until his professors give up trying to wake him altogether.

By getting between classes using solely hidden shortcuts Dan manages to avoid Phil up until dinner. He is expecting more awkward eye contact in the great hall, followed by a dull conversation in the corridor afterwards, which is why he’s taken aback when Phil shows up seemingly out of nowhere and confronts him before he can even sit down to eat.

“Hey,” Phil greets just as he reaches the Slytherin table.

Dan swears he jumps five feet in the air.

“What are you doing here?” He asks incredulously, arms crossed and eyes resting on a spot just left of phil’s ear.

“I was wondering if we could hang out later. After dinner.”

“Why?”

“Because I’d like to get to know you,” Phil replies easily, as if that makes perfect sense. “You don’t have to stay long, I promise you can leave whenever you like.”

Dan thinks it over; he supposes it’s best to just get it over with. Besides, Phil seems nice enough, an hour won’t hurt him.

“Okay,” he says.

“Okay?” Phil sounds genuinely surprised.

“Yeah, okay.”

Dan has his back turned to the Hufflepuff table all through dinner, but he can feel Phil’s eyes on him.

***

After they finished eating Phil immediately comes up to Dan, as if he’s afraid Dan will run off and ditch their plans. Honestly, Dan can’t really blame him. At the lack of anything better to do they decide to take a walk to talk and get to know each other, which is kind of Dan’s worst nightmare but for once he’s decided not to argue. At first they’re walking in complete silence, Dan not wanting to start a conversation and Phil apparently not sure how to.

“So,” Phil begins when they’re already halfway to the lake, “what’s your favourite quidditch team?”

“Not really my thing,” Dan replies. He’s never been much of a quidditch fan, finding it too exhausting to play and too boring to watch.

“Yeah, mine neither.”

“Then why did you ask?”

“I don’t know, it just seemed like a good question.” Phil glances over at him briefly before quickly averting his eyes again.

Dan frowns, puzzled. Phil is always so sure of himself, sometimes excessively so. He never shuts up for fuck’s sake, so what’s different now? He stops dead in his tracks, turning to look at Phil.

“Are you… nervous?” he asks.

Phil chuckles, looking back up at him. “Is it that obvious?”

“You’ve been stalking me for days, how the fuck are you suddenly nervous?”

“Well, I was just trying to get your attention. I guess I never really considered what I’d do if i got this far.”

Dan shakes his head slowly. This boy really is an idiot.

“You’re an idiot.”

“Thanks.” Phil laughs, and it must be contagious because soon enough Dan is laughing with him.

 

When they arrive down by the lake Phil sits down in the grass, motioning for Dan to do the same. They sit there in silence for a while, looking out over the still water and enjoying the last bit of nice weather before autumn fully kicks in. Dan’s traitorous mind tells him the lake is the same colour as Phil’s eyes, and he breaks the silence in a desperate attempt to stop thinking.

“Have you ever seen the giant squid that lives here?”

“I thought that was a myth,” Phil replies. “Have you?”

“Phil, I quite literally live under the lake, of course I have.”

“Wait, your common room really is under the lake? I thought that was a lie too!” Phil looks as if his entire world has been turned upside down.

“Why do you assume everything you hear is made up?”

“In my defence Slytherins aren’t exactly known for their honesty.”

“Fair point,” Dan agrees. Besides, he’s the last person who should be teaching others about trust.

***

Over the next few days Dan and Phil see each other more, though they never properly hang out again. They’ll greet each other in the corridors and sometimes stop to have a chat, but whenever Phil asks if he wants to go somewhere with him Dan suddenly has a lot of homework to catch up on. It’s not that he doesn’t want to get to know Phil more; in fact it’s quite the opposite, and that scares the shit out of him. He likes talking to Phil, and he’ll continue to do so, but he needs to keep some distance, for his own sake.

Tuesday rolls around again which means it’s time for another lesson in Care of Magical Creatures. Dan would never admit it out loud, but he really enjoys the class. Some of the beasts they cover may be unruly, and at times even dangerous, but he is fascinated by them nonetheless. Now that they’re in their seventh year Professor Kettleburn has decided to introduce them to more challenging creatures, which isn’t much of a problem for Dan who seemingly excels in taming animals, but based on last week’s lesson could be catastrophic for his personal stalker.

“Silence, class,” Professor Kettleburn says as he walks into the forest clearing that doubles as a classroom, waiting for everyone to finish their conversations before continuing. “Last week we began learning about murtlaps, however a certain gatekeeper asked to borrow them and now they have all inexplicably escaped.”

The class laughs, and Dan swears he can hear Phil breathe a sigh of relief.

“But not to worry, I have prepared a last minute replacement. Who can tell me what these are?”

Dan walks closer to the cages the professor is pointing to. They kind of look like…

“Ferrets?” A Hufflepuff girl asks.

“Close, but not quite. They’re called jarveys. The Jarvey resembles a large ferret, but unlike a normal ferret it possesses the ability to talk. It is not intelligent enough to hold a conversation, and instead speaks in short phrases that I don’t recommend repeating to anyone as they tend to be rather rude.”

Professor Kettleburn tells them to gather in groups of three and each try to observe one of the jarveys. Dan is just about to group up with some of the few other Slytherins he tolerates when the teacher calls him over.

“Mr. Howell,” he says, and to Dan’s confusion Phil is stood next to him. “You are one student short today which means two of you will have to work as a pair. You have a talent for tending to animals and therefore I am assigning you to work with Mr. Lester here, to hopefully minimise the risk of anyone losing a limb.”

Phil flushes red and Dan struggles to hold back a snort.

“Of course, professor.”

He grabs the last remaining cage and carries it towards the edge of the clearing, as far away from the rest of the class as possible. The others seem to have let their jarveys out and so he opens the cage door, assuming they are tame enough to not run away.

“This is embarrassing,” Phil says, his face still crimson from having his incompetence called out.

“I’d rather call it necessary,” Dan replies. “No offence, but you’re kind of terrible at this.”

“Yeah, I know. Animals just seem to hate me, I can barely get my owl to deliver my letters!”

“That’s rough, mate.”

“Mock me all you want, it’s a real struggle.”

“Oh, I’m sure it is.” Dan nods in an obviously fake sympathetic manner and Phil pouts at him in a way Dan finds childish and definitely not even remotely endearing whatsoever.

 

The second they let the jarvey out of its cage it jumps out and uses Phil as a ladder, clawing its way up to his shoulders where it stays almost draped around his neck, almost purring.

“Looks like you finally found an animal that likes you,” Dan says. “But I don’t think normal ferrets usually purr.”

“Normal ferrets also don’t speak, mind you. Though neither does this one, apparently.”

Phil has a point, they can hear the other groups’ jarveys insulting them seemingly non-stop but this one has been suspiciously quiet so far.

Dan gently pokes it. “Speak.”

“I don’t think that’s gonna work.”

Dan pokes it again.

The creature looks at him with as much of an annoyed expression as something so cute could possibly muster. “Love.”

“Love? I thought these things were supposed to be rude,” Dan says.

“Love,” the jarvey repeats, looking up at Phil from its spot on his shoulder.

“Phil I think it’s in love with you.”

Phil laughs, but there’s something off about it. He’s probably just not used to animals being this close to him, Dan figures. As if on cue the thing jumps from Phil’s shoulder, making him yelp, and lands on Dan’s curly head.

“Ow, what the-” Dan begins, the jarvey’s claws clinging onto his skull in a very less than pleasant manner.

“Love, Love, Love,” it says, looking from Dan to Phil and back again.

“I, uh,” Phil says, heat rising to his cheeks.

Lucky for them, Professor Kettleburn chooses this exact moment to begin lecturing everyone on the history of the Jarvey, and they don’t get much time to ponder what on earth the not-ferret meant.

Still, as he walks to his next lesson Dan can’t help but wonder why Phil seemed so embarrassed.

***

Dan hates to admit it, but he’s actually rather enjoying his newfound acquaintanceship. The way he sees it, as long as they keep all conversation strictly surface deep there is no reason to worry. Granted, that doesn’t keep him from doing so. His mind is filled with doubts he can’t rid himself of and questions he doesn’t know how to answer. He is his own worst enemy in that respect; whenever he thinks his life is going well he is quick to come up with multiple reasons why he’s wrong. What will he do once Phil decides this is no longer enough for him?

It’s a rainy day at the start of October when Dan finds out. He and Phil have been keeping up the daily chats and occasionally even hanging out, but never more than an hour and never talking about anything of particular substance. Right now, however, they’re sat on the bench in the viaduct courtyard where they first spoke, and Dan can tell Phil is about to ruin this.

“Tell me something about yourself,” he says. There it is.

“What do you mean?” Dan responds.

“You know what. I hardly know anything about you.”

“Sure you do.”

“I know your name and your age, I know that you’re a Slytherin and I know that you’re kind of a pain in the ass. But beyond that?” Phil shrugs, willing Dan to say something.

“Isn’t that enough?” He asks.

“Dan…” Phil places a hand on his shoulder. “Friendships can’t be built on nothing. You can’t get to know someone unless you’re willing to let them get to know you back.”

Dan freezes up. There is that word again.

“We’re not _friends_ ,” Dan spits the word out as if it’s burning his tongue to keep it in.

“Oh.” Phil looks hurt. He looks hurt and disappointed and maybe a bit embarrassed and Dan wants nothing more than to take it back but he _can’t_.

“But we could be?” Phil asks, and the hopeful tone in his voice threatens to break Dan’s heart.

“I don’t know, Phil…” Fuck, he’s such a wanker. “I don’t think we can.”

Dan can tell Phil wants to leave, but for some reason he just sits there in silence for several minutes, pondering what to say. Why isn’t he leaving? Dan is being a right arse to him, he knows he is, so why is he still here?

“Dan,” Phil begins, and Dan can already tell he’s not gonna like what comes next. “What are you so afraid of?”

“Afraid? I’m not afraid.” What does he have to be afraid of?

“Yeah, you are. You’re afraid to let anyone close to you, and I don’t know what happened to you to make you like this but please trust me when I say I won’t hurt you.”

“I said,” Dan gets up from the bench, voice dripping with venom. “I’m _not_ afraid. Now mind your own fucking business.”

He can hear Phil call after him as he walks away, and for a split second he’s tempted to turn back around; to put away all his anger and keep living in this fantasy world where someone cares about him and he can be happy. He can go back now and apologise, tell Phil they can be friends and maybe enjoy another month of whatever it is they have going on. But it won’t last, he knows that. Sooner or later Phil will realise Dan is not worth his time and he’ll leave, and Dan will be alone again. The truth is they are both much better off quitting while they’re ahead, and hopefully in time Phil will see that too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was supposed to be longer but i decided i hated it and didn't wanna write more. i have some really good chapters planned though, setting things up is just a pain.
> 
> so far this fic is mostly just me browsing fantastic beasts to find creatures that work with the plot it's going great


End file.
